There is something really special about learning how to show love to someone in a way that really resonates with them. People require different things to feel loved and the goal for today’s blog post is to help you understand what makes your partner feel loved and cherished. Saying “I love you” is super important and you should do it every day, and you should back it up with your actions too!
There is a really great book called The Five Love Languages that explores this concept. If you’ve never heard of this before, these are the five love languages:
Touch – A person who values physical touch isn’t only concerned with that happens in the bedroom. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face are ways of showing care and love. Neglect or abuse is destructive, so focus on offering physical touch that creates a sense of security in your relationship.
Words – You know the saying “Actions speak louder than words”? For someone who values words, this isn’t always the case. Compliments, hearing the words “I love you” or “I appreciate you” are really important to someone like this. Avoid insults and focus on being kind, encouraging and positive towards your partner.
Quality Time – Nothing tells this person that you love them more like your undivided attention. A person who values quality time doesn’t just want you to be there, but they really want you to be there. Being distracted, putting off dates or failing to listen can really hurt your partner who appreciates quality time. Make a point of sharing quality conversation and activities together.
Gifts – The person who loves to receive gifts thrives on love, thoughtfulness and the effort it takes to create or buy something special. Giving a gift can show your partner that he/she is prizes and valued above whatever sacrifice you had to make to bring the gift. Missed birthdays or anniversaries and thoughtless gifts don’t communicate love, and gifts are a visual representation of being loved and treasured.
Service – Anything to do with easing the burden of responsibility speaks in a huge way to someone who values acts of service. Helping to clean the house and run errands are examples of small ways in which you could communicate that you love this person. Breaking commitments and creating more work for your partner shows them that their feelings don’t matter. Find ways that you can serve your partner.
Let me give you some examples of where you could be showing love to someone in a way that doesn’t resonate with them:
Scenario 1: My husband’s love language is quality time. He absolutely loves having me sit with him while he’s working, reading or cooking. We are really blessed to be able to work from home together so we get a lot of quality time together which is a huge bonus. Imagine for a second that we don’t work together all day and my husband has just come home from a long hard day at the office and all he wants is some quality time with his wife. If my love language is service, I’ll most likely show love to my husband by cooking for him and then doing the dishes. Picture my tired husband sitting in the lounge by himself just wanting to be loved, while I’m slaving away in the kitchen thinking I’m showing him love by serving him.
Scenario 2: Imagine you really love words of encouragement. A simple, handwritten letter can really make your day and show you how loved you are. And now imagine that you are married to someone whose love language is gifts. Sure, you’d still feel loved by receiving pretty things, but your partner would be able to show you love more effectively by telling you how incredible you are.
I’d encourage you to do a little exploring and take this quiz to see what your love language is. Get your partner to do the same and spending some time chatting together about how you could love each other better. There really is no downside to learning more about each other and learning what really makes you feel awesome and loved!
You or your partner might have one or two dominant love languages, which is totally normal, and regardless of the outcome of the quiz, you shouldn’t neglect the other love languages. The point here is to know what really speaks to your partner so you can show the type of love that is most appreciated.